1
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:07,382
Thanks again.
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,222
So, Jake, what do you think
about the high-definition television?
3
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:15,932
It's...
4
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:18,059
It's...
5
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,438
the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
6
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,941
Wait till you turn it on.
7
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,112
- [cartoon playing]
- [moaning]
8
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,531
[gasping]
9
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:37,996
- Is it here?
- It's here.
10
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,372
It's here! [chuckles]
11
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:41,249
Oh, thank the Lord!
12
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:44,085
This is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
13
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,004
Besides you, honey.
14
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,964
Van, you do not have time to watch TV.
15
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:50,049
Go change your shirt.
We're gonna be late for my class.
16
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,761
Cheyenne, I do not want to go
to some stupid husband panel.
17
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,138
We have a flat-screen, high-definition TV.
18
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,848
I finally have something to grow old
19
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,558
and get fat in front of.
20
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:02,520
Van, it's for my sociology class,
and I'm getting graded on it.
21
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,230
They're grading you
on your husband? [chuckles]
22
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,067
Well, I hope they're gradin' on a curve.
23
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,902
[laughs]
24
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,654
Van, these women are coming to find out
25
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,239
what men really want from marriage.
26
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,075
You wanna know what men
really want from marriage?
27
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,745
I can't really tell you
in front of your mother.
28
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:21,873
Van, you're going.
29
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,166
All right, fine.
30
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,084
You know what men really
want from marriage?
31
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,504
A high-definition, flat-screen TV!
32
00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:30,507
[door opens]
33
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,884
Reba, I need your help.
34
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,427
I am desperate.
35
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,386
Oh, not now.
36
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:38,598
I'm gonna go watch Dr. Phil's big ol'
Charlie Brown-size head in high def.
37
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,018
Brock and I are being audited by the IRS.
38
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:43,853
[laughing]
39
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:46,689
Reba, it is not funny.
40
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,192
I think we are in real trouble here.
41
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:52,195
Now, now, you know how I've been doing
all of our tax returns?
42
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:53,196
Yeah, what's the problem?
43
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,824
I've been doing all of our tax returns.
44
00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,744
Here, take a look.
45
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:02,997
Well, right off the bat,
46
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:06,126
I'd tell you to stop doin'
the "I heart the IRS" stuff.
47
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,335
It makes you look desperate.
48
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,920
I am desperate.
49
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,505
Oh, Reba, I'm goin' down.
50
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,132
I'm headed for the big house.
51
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,092
- Oh, Barbra Jean.
- Promise me, Reba,
52
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:17,053
if I get sent to prison, you will do
something to get sent to prison too.
53
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:19,013
And then we can break out
like on that show.
54
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,809
You're gonna have to get the layout
of the prison tattooed on your body,
55
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,144
so you're gonna need to gain some weight.
56
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,437
Oh, God! [sobbing]
57
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:27,730
Calm down!
58
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,399
Oh, I love how tough you are.
59
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,277
When we're in prison,
I'm so gonna be your girlfriend.
60
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,740
[groans]
61
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,118
- Barbra Jean.
- Yeah?
62
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,619
They only send you to jail
63
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:43,746
- if you lie on these forms.
- Uh-huh.
64
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,583
Not because you put glitter all over it.
65
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,877
Well, I would never knowingly lie.
66
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,670
I mean, so, so if I just
made these mistakes
67
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,839
because I don't know what I'm doin',
I should be okay, right?
68
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,425
- Yes, you should plead dumb.
- Okay.
69
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,012
Trust me, after they talk to you
for a little while,
70
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,305
they'll let you off.
71
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,850
Heck, they'll probably
even pay for your ride home.
72
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:08,229
All right, Dr. Phil, polish up
that old bald head of yours.
73
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:14,152
Even if we didn't go to prison,
I'd still so be your girlfriend.
74
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,322
[theme song playing]
75
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,740
[Reba] Hey, hey.
76
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,743
{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
77
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,078
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
78
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:28,207
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
79
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:31,044
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
80
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,796
♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
81
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,423
♪ With gentle hands ♪
82
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,383
{\an8}♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪
83
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:43,973
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
84
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,233
Reba, we're back.
85
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,692
Just like a cold sore.
86
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:55,777
Hey!
87
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,820
That's a reoccurring mosquito bite.
88
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,699
The audit went great.
89
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:03,159
You are gonna love yours.
90
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,497
{\an8}- What do you mean?
- Brock, go.
91
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,041
{\an8}Oh, yeah, well, it's a funny thing really.
92
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,168
{\an8}It seems like once they
take a look at your returns,
93
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,127
{\an8}they get all excited
94
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:15,338
{\an8}and they want to go back even further.
95
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,506
{\an8}How much farther?
96
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:17,799
{\an8}Yeah, well, it's...
97
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,217
{\an8}It's a funny thing really.
98
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,843
{\an8}Oh, wow, is this new?
99
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,971
{\an8}- Brock.
- Yeah.
100
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,973
{\an8}Uh, the last three years of our marriage.
101
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,140
{\an8}You and I are being audited.
102
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,476
{\an8}Wait a minute.
We got divorced.
103
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,311
{\an8}Didn't you get the audits
in the settlement?
104
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,733
{\an8}Reba, you've got nothin' to worry about.
105
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,986
{\an8}I'm sure that your returns are in order.
106
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:38,945
{\an8}That's right, Reba.
107
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,697
{\an8}As far as you know, everything's fine.
108
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,490
{\an8}Last time you said, "Everything's fine,"
109
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,450
{\an8}I heard Barbra Jean
giggling in the background.
110
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:47,704
{\an8}- [giggling] Do you remember that time?
- That was so...
111
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,455
{\an8}Well, anyway, look.
112
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,834
{\an8}Uh, it's really no big deal, I mean,
113
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,545
{\an8}you remember when Harry,
my friend from dental school,
114
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,797
set up that charity for us
in the Cayman Islands?
115
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,257
How come I never met Harry?
116
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,216
Oh, you haven't?
117
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:02,343
Oh, well, we'll have him over
for dinner in...
118
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,594
three to five years.
119
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:04,637
Anyway...
120
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:08,558
Turns out that was more of a charity
for the people who donated to it...
121
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,436
than it was for the poor "Caymanians."
122
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,438
So the charity was a scam?
123
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,940
"Scam," is such an ugly word.
124
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,025
No, it was more of an...
125
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,110
illegal tax shelter.
126
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,820
And I got out as soon as I found out.
127
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,323
But the thing is,
I never paid the money back,
128
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,490
and I never told you about it
129
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,576
'cause you're so big on the truth
and everything.
130
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,579
- How much?
- Oh, it's not a lot. Hardly anything.
131
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:31,748
So sell somethin' and pay it back.
132
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:33,666
Like that tannin' bed
you claim not to have.
133
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:36,753
It's a rental.
134
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:37,754
Anyway...
135
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,632
I gave the money I saved
to a real charity, Reba.
136
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:42,842
I made it as right as I could.
137
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,053
But this is the IRS
that we're talkin' about.
138
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,929
You don't tell them that you scammed...
139
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,640
that you sheltered money from them.
140
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,061
They will crawl into places
you didn't even know existed.
141
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,395
He's right, Reba.
142
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,189
He can't go to prison.
143
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,983
Although it would be nice
for you to see Harry.
144
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:02,820
Reba...
145
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,823
promise me that you won't say anything.
146
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,534
Trust me, you do not
want to open up this can of worms.
147
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:09,619
I'll think about it.
148
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,079
Now go home and tan up.
149
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,331
I need you lookin' good for the audit.
150
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,841
Welcome, everyone,
151
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:27,303
to "I Do Is Forever-
Marriage From a Man's View."
152
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:28,888
This seminar is forever,
153
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,932
and I wish I had a view of the game,
know what I mean?
154
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,308
Come on, man.
155
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,272
Thank you, everyone,
156
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,608
for writing all of your questions
for our panel.
157
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,986
Now let's meet
our happily married men. [chuckles]
158
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:45,905
This is Van Montgomery,
159
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,031
happily married to me.
160
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,032
Taken.
161
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,660
And that's Herman and that's Doug.
And they're married to other women.
162
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:51,702
Okey dokey.
163
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,788
First question.
164
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,998
First question: Why am I here?
165
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,625
[laughs]
166
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:00,378
This one...
167
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,463
is for, "the cute one."
168
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,679
Well, that's gotta be me.
169
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,349
Thank you, ladies.
170
00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,394
Remember, ladies, these men are married,
171
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,562
especially Van.
172
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:21,190
All right, the question is,
"How did you meet your wife?"
173
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,401
Uh, we met in high school.
174
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,611
[all] Aww.
175
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,406
Well, thanks again.
176
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,659
They like me.
177
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:35,830
Okey dokey.
178
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:36,956
Next question.
179
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:38,875
"For the hot one."
180
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:39,834
Oh.
181
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,252
[laughs]
182
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,756
Me again.
Sorry, Doug.
183
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,261
"What is your wife's worst trait?"
184
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,762
Okay, that's a good one. Van?
185
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,099
Ooh, that's a tough question.
186
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,810
I'm gonna have to say,
187
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,980
I can't tell
which of her eyes are prettier.
188
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,274
[all] Aww.
189
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:10,907
Yeah.
190
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,075
Isn't he charming, ladies? [chuckles]
191
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,496
But remember,
we really do need complete honesty
192
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,955
in order for the panel to be helpful.
193
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:19,790
Okay.
194
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,042
Next question. [chuckles]
195
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,671
"When did the really hot guy know
that his wife was the one?"
196
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:26,964
Okay, you guys, this is ridiculous--
197
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,467
Okay, I'll take over now. Uh...
198
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,263
Let me tell you a story
how I proposed to my wife.
199
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:36,891
I rented a hot-air balloon.
200
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,060
Hot...
201
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,229
air balloon.
202
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,399
And as we hovered
203
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,610
over the field,
204
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,987
I pointed down there.
205
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:55,618
And carved in the crops were the words...
206
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,288
"Will you marry me?"
207
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,540
[all] Aww.
208
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:03,376
And I handed her a glass of champagne...
209
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,045
with a diamond ring the size of a...
210
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,338
cockroach.
211
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,677
And then she fainted. [gasps]
212
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,137
So I picked her up gently
213
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,974
and kissed her softly on the lips.
214
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,851
And when she awoke, she said the words,
215
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:22,562
"I will."
216
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:23,896
"I will."
217
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,481
[woman] Oh, my God.
218
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,650
All right, that is enough!
219
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,654
He's a goon, and he is a liar.
220
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,322
He didn't propose to me.
221
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:36,617
You want to know how he knew
I was the one, Maureen?
222
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,327
When he asked me to homecoming,
223
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,620
and I said, "Oh, okay,
224
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,247
but don't forget to buy me a corsage
225
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,083
and some diapers,
'cause you knocked me up!"
226
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,506
And I married her anyway,
because I knew I loved her...
227
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,508
when I looked into her gorgeous
left and right eyes.
228
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:53,759
[all] Aww.
229
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:54,885
[laughs]
230
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:55,970
- Next question.
- Yeah!
231
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:57,888
How are you getting home?
232
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,473
Ladies?
233
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:00,850
- [excited] Ooh.
- Oh.
234
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,936
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
235
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,736
Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.
236
00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:13,696
Okay. Here.
237
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,865
I took some pictures
of other people's children
238
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,450
for you to claim as dependents.
239
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:23,247
Although the, the Black kid
may require some explanation.
240
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,541
Will you knock it off, Barbra Jean?
241
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,336
Everything'll be fine
as long as Reba doesn't say anything.
242
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,212
I've thought about it,
and I'm not gonna lie.
243
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,297
What?
244
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,965
This is the IRS.
245
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,383
You have to lie.
246
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,720
You have any idea
what they could do to us?
247
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,889
You said it wasn't gonna be
that much money.
248
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:40,973
Yeah, well see, here's...
249
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,266
here's the funny thing.
250
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,605
It could be a tad more
than I led you to believe.
251
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,148
- Do you ever stop lyin'?
- Ow.
252
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,983
Well, it wasn't a lot initially.
253
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,402
But what with penalty and interest,
it would be a ton.
254
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:54,820
How much is a ton?
255
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:58,240
Well, it would put you
in a huge hole, and...
256
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,451
Barbra Jean and I might lose the house.
257
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,952
- [both] What?
- Ow.
258
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,915
Brock, you never told me
we could lose the house.
259
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,917
I can't live under a bridge.
260
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,378
Not again.
261
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,715
Brock, how could you do this?
262
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:17,968
How could you let this get to a point
where it would cost everybody so much?
263
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,011
Only if they find out.
264
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,888
If you get on board,
none of that's gonna happen.
265
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,056
I'm not lyin'.
266
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,265
It's bad karma.
267
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,266
It follows you around.
268
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,267
That's why you've had
269
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:27,186
- such a lousy life, Brock!
- Ow!
270
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,521
She's babbling and turning pink.
271
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,897
- She's gonna rat us out!
- Look!
272
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,149
Will you two stop beating on me?
273
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,359
That's their job.
274
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,693
Now, look, Reba.
275
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,821
Just let me do all the talking, okay?
276
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,948
All you have to do is smile and nod.
277
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,283
- Well, you are a better liar than I am.
- [sighs]
278
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:42,785
I just wish you were more likable!
279
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,328
Okay, everybody, just shh.
280
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:45,496
All right?
281
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,623
The walls have ears.
282
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,127
Trust no one.
283
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:54,088
For all you know,
I could be wearing a wire.
284
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,924
Well, actually, I am under here,
but it's just to lift and separate.
285
00:11:56,924 --> 00:11:58,217
- Oh, geez.
- Oh, will you stop?
286
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,802
Barbra Jean, for heaven's sake.
287
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,013
Hi. My name is Agent Miller.
288
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,056
Come in.
289
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,600
- Smile and nod. Smile and nod.
- Yeah, right.
290
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,853
- Hey, Agent Miller.
- Hey.
291
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:09,937
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
292
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,606
Um, hey, um,
293
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:16,569
I'm just, uh, gonna go out there
and play with my Black child.
294
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,321
[giggling nervously]
295
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,793
- So, Mrs. Hart, how are you today?
- Fine.
296
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,212
She's fine.
We're, we're fine.
297
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,547
Good.
298
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,466
I'll be working with Mrs. Hart,
299
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:41,177
and, Dr. Hart, you'll be down
the hall with Agent Phung.
300
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,344
Phung?
301
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,513
But, but I thought
we were gonna do this together.
302
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,515
I mean, you didn't separate
Barbra Jean and me.
303
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,684
It's just our policy
with divorced couples.
304
00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:51,020
They're always so eager
to tell on each other. [chuckles]
305
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:56,859
Plus, when there's nothin' to hide,
no one minds.
306
00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,904
Oh, well, there's certainly
nothing to hide.
307
00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,530
Right, Reba?
308
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,284
Dr. Hart, will you come with me?
309
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:06,827
Is this gonna take long?
310
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:07,912
How long have you got?
311
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,663
- [chuckles]
- [laughs]
312
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:12,875
[clears throat]
313
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,756
[giggling]
314
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,301
Oh, Phung just kills me.
315
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:27,556
[clears throat] So, Mrs. Hart,
before we get started,
316
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:31,352
I have to tell you that the IRS
is a lot more lenient
317
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,396
if the taxpayer comes forward
with any issues or problems.
318
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:37,233
I'm sure there aren't any,
but I have to tell you that, okay?
319
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,109
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.
320
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,320
We've been over everything.
321
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,907
- And it mostly seems to be in order.
- Okay.
322
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:48,452
- But there is one tiny area of concern.
- Oh?
323
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:49,912
You probably know what I'm talkin' about?
324
00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,081
[sighs] Cayman.
325
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,165
What?
326
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,710
'Kay, man. [chuckles]
327
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,630
Okay, man, lay it on me.
328
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,465
[chuckles]
329
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,009
[whimpers]
330
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,430
I'd like to talk to you about 1998.
331
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,932
I was drunk that whole year.
332
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,478
Try to think back.
333
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,772
Did you work for Dr. Hart full time?
334
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,482
Yes.
335
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,652
According to this,
you worked for your husband full time,
336
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,488
and yet, he only paid you minimum wage.
337
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,324
Was there any compensation
paid under the table?
338
00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:29,076
Oh, no, no.
He's just cheap.
339
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:30,953
Mmm-hmm. He looks cheap.
340
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:34,623
Anyhow, that's the only problem we had.
341
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,125
Great.
342
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,295
So you just sign here,
343
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,548
and we send it off for one final review,
and then you're done.
344
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,133
Super great.
345
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,218
- [telephone rings]
- Oh.
346
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:47,678
Miller.
347
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:48,888
Hi, Phung.
348
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,098
Mmm-hmm.
349
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,726
Mmm-hmm.
350
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,770
Okay.
351
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,608
What did Phung say?
352
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,652
Oh, just "IRS-y" stuff.
353
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,156
Oh, before you sign,
354
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:11,785
if there is anything that you knowingly
and willingly omitted, and you sign this,
355
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,829
the penalties of perjury apply.
356
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:16,874
Perjury?
357
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,667
Mmm-hmm.
358
00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:22,796
So, is there anything you left out?
359
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,342
Something you might suddenly remember
that you might want to share?
360
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:29,470
Something your ex-husband
may have spilled to Phung?
361
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,318
You know, I was thinkin'.
362
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:47,696
Since those ladies at your seminar
loved me so much,
363
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:50,407
I should write a book
on how to be the perfect husband.
364
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:52,660
Ha!
365
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,495
You should write a book,
you should call it,
366
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,915
I'm a Perfect Liar, and I Met a Girl,
and I Made Up Stories About How I Met Her
367
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,334
so I Could Impress Stupid College Girls
Who Are Stupid Anyway.
368
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,589
That doesn't leave a whole lot of room
on the cover for my picture.
369
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:08,759
Here's my book:
370
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,970
I Married a "Hot" Jerk.
371
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:13,555
Oh, I get it.
372
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,350
You're a little jealous
'cause I got all the attention.
373
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,143
I am so not jealous.
374
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:21,271
Oh, please.
A perfect husband can read his wife.
375
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,359
Why did you have to lie, Van?
376
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,820
Is the truth about our lives
really so awful?
377
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,614
Honey, what are you talkin' about?
378
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:35,077
I just felt like
you had to make up some fantasy
379
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,413
about what our life is like
because you're so ashamed of it.
380
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:41,125
Cheyenne, I made up a fantasy
'cause that's what I wish had happened.
381
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,626
Not because I'm ashamed of it,
382
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,795
because you deserve a memory like that.
383
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,756
You deserve to be proposed to
in a hot-air balloon.
384
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,800
Not, "What? You're pregnant?"
385
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,093
"What are we gonna do?"
386
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,224
- Really?
- Yes.
387
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:58,475
That's why you lied?
388
00:16:58,475 --> 00:16:59,643
Honey, the...
389
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,063
The only thing I feel bad
about our relationship is that...
390
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,941
I haven't tried to make it
a hundred times better.
391
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,948
Hey.
392
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:15,909
Babe, baby, come here.
Come here, baby.
393
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:17,119
Oh.
394
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,788
[chuckles]
395
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,498
Did you really mean that thing
396
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,667
about not knowing which one of my eyes
is more beautiful?
397
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,627
'Cause I kind of think that too.
398
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,380
I meant it all.
399
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,007
[Cheyenne] Mmm.
400
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,177
Mmm. [chuckles]
401
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,263
[both chuckle]
402
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:49,026
Oh, man, I really should write a book.
403
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:10,089
Hey, Reba.
404
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:14,009
So, uh, how'd it go with Agent Miller?
405
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:14,927
Fine.
406
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,929
How'd it go with Agent Phung?
407
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,305
Fine, fine.
408
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,141
So anything you want to tell me, Reba?
409
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:22,226
No.
410
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,478
Anything you want to tell me...
411
00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,188
Brock?
412
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:29,149
- Tell you?
- Uh-huh.
413
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:31,401
Oh, well, let me think.
Let me think.
414
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,112
Yeah, yeah, there is one thing.
415
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,948
- You sang like a bird, didn't you?
- What?
416
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,533
No, you're the rat!
417
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,618
Anything to save your own skin,
huh, Brock?
418
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,995
Oh, cut the act, Reba.
It was you.
419
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,373
You should've seen
the look on Phung's face
420
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,083
when he was talkin' to Miller
on the phone.
421
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,085
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
422
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,254
[imitating Japanese accent]
"Oh, that very interesting."
423
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,422
No, no, no, no, no. Horsefeathers.
424
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:53,924
My gal didn't call your guy.
425
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,175
Your guy called my gal,
426
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,261
talkin' about how you were
down there spillin' your guts.
427
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,179
Oh, I didn't say anything.
I swear!
428
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:00,722
I didn't say anything either.
I swear!
429
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:01,890
Wait a minute!
430
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,767
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
431
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,395
It was a trick.
It was a trick.
432
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,521
They were trying to get us to believe
433
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,565
the other one was confessing
to try and break us.
434
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:12,359
So neither one of us talked
about the Cayman thing?
435
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,861
- I didn't.
- I didn't either.
436
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,779
Oh, that means we're okay!
We did it!
437
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:18,157
Oh, I always knew I could trust you, Reba.
438
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,200
- [telephone rings]
- [chuckles] Yes.
439
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,201
Oh, why don't I...
440
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,245
Hello.
441
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,122
Oh. Agent Miller.
442
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,248
- Miller time.
- Yeah.
443
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,292
Uh-huh.
444
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,210
Yeah.
445
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,379
Okay.
446
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,173
All righty.
447
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:35,382
Bye.
448
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,222
We owe the government $75,000.
449
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,392
What? What are you talkin' about?
450
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,394
Back taxes, penalty,
451
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:48,645
- and interest!
- Ah!
452
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,397
$75,000.
453
00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:53,150
[stammering] I don't unders...
I don't understand.
454
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,401
We didn't tell 'em... anything.
455
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:55,986
anything.
456
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,613
- How did they find out?
- [door opens]
457
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,371
Phung broke me!
458
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,212
[whimpering, crying]
459
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:20,761
[closing theme music playing]
460
00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:50,666
{\an8}Acme! [coughing]